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Quips, queries, and querulous quibbles from the quirky mind of Don Kahle

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What’s All the FFFFUFFF About?

September 10th, 2014 by dk

Fifth Friday Footnotes, Follow-ups and Far-Flung Fripperies:
• Bad summer weather in Eugene is better than good summer weather almost anyplace else.
• I’m starting to feel bad for those who haven’t been challenged to pour a bucket of ice over their heads, like the last kids picked for teams in gym class.
• No matter what it is, it seems I want it thicker.
• I got a Murphy Bed, but it’s not working out for me. I’m not one of those who can sleep standing up.
• IKEA shows that Americans really don’t dislike cheap imported goods, so long as they think it must have come from a “cool” (white) country.
• Americans now require more comfort than copious helpings of comfort food can provide. Waddle we do about it?
• I’m imagining a tragic love story between a kitchen sponge and toast — so alike, and yet so different.
• I worry about people who use the word “awesome” like conversational table salt. If everything is awesome, will they lose their taste for awe? When awe is genuinely evoked, what word will they use?
• I know it’s been 40 years, but every time I see a cement truck on the road, I think it’s driving backwards.
• Has anyone studied the effect of carbonation on the mouth? I wonder if it somehow contributes to addiction. The sensation is so peculiar, completely apart from taste itself. It feels like trouble — or is that excitement I feel?
• Are there any Americans who do not prefer their pasta al dente? It’s time to stop pretending that some like their macaroni mushy.
• Just because it fits doesn’t mean it belongs.
• I’ve only recently discovered parchment paper. My children are surprised. They believe I grew up when our only paper was parchment — and all our glue was edible. Parchment paper got neglected during our fling with Teflon. It’s sturdy but not sticky. Whatever the world’s ills, parchment paper is part of the solution.
• Don’t ever try to sleep in a hurry.
• Only in Eugene would they erect a five-story-tall sign that reads “13th & Olive” and place it at 12th & Willamette.
• What will people push when we run out of envelopes?
• None of us wash our vegetables like we mean it.
• People don’t understand that all heat is motion. Making stuff move faster and more changes it, whether it’s the air in a room or the soup in a pot.
• I believe all genius is generosity plus valor. “Giving it all you’ve got” is perilous, but some have no choice. Thanks, Robin.
• We can’t make ourselves taller. But we can become deeper.
• Something went terribly wrong after Rocky Road became an ice cream flavor. Until then (saltwater taffy notwithstanding), edibles were given appetizing names. Why did we invite such complexity and confusion?
• We all should ask more questions — of ourselves and of one another.
• Put “gritty” back into “integrity.”
• Our parents thought twist ties would make the world better. They did, but only a little.
• We often end up captive to our measurements.
• We manage our lives with two lists. Those things which we do not know, and those things which we do not want to know. Sadly, for some those lists are the same.
• Life isn’t perfect. It’s pluperfect. We mostly look forward to looking back.
• Those who twist the doorknob while closing a door are better than the rest of us. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, that’s exactly the point.
• If the line waiting for your counter service runs parallel to your counter, those in the line are not only your imminent customers. They’re also your immediate audience.
• Most of us become convinced way before we become certain.
• We’ve stopped waiting for one another. Of all our idle moments being sopped up with smart phone distractions, these may be the most valuable ones we’re losing.
• I think we can all agree it’s time to rename pipe cleaners. Suggestions?
• Don’t leave the hemorrhoid ointment tube near your toothpaste. Just don’t. It hasn’t happened yet, but it will.
• Questions unasked remain unanswered.
• I no longer know all that I knew.
• Nothing prevents people from being loved more than their uncontrolled desire to be liked.

Don Kahle ( writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and blogs

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