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How to Respond to Thanksgiving

November 27th, 2020 by dk

What comes after thanksgiving? If I capitalize the “t,” the answers come easily: shopping, football, leftovers, crowded airports. But what follows the giving of thanks? What comes next in that everyday verbal handshake?

“You’re welcome” is falling out of favor. It’s been replaced, especially by young people, with “No problem.” When I hear that response, I can’t help but wonder what might be their response to an apology. Would it be the same?

If “I’m sorry” prompts the same response as “Thank you,” then another question follows. Are we having a real conversation, or would any three syllables suffice to maintain the expected rhythm of exchange? “Go Duckies!” would at least acknowledge a regional connection between sender and receiver.

My friend Jack Joyce, the late founder of Rogue Ales, tampered with a conversational exchange. He replaced “goodbye” in every phone conversation with “sell beer.” It served the same rhythmic function. He loved replacing convention with intention. We all loved him for it.

“No problem” carries less intent. At least we should hope so. What will become of a world where every expression of gratitude is met with a mild rebuke? We’d train ourselves to do it less, or not at all. Would you prefer a world where no one ever thanked you for anything? I wouldn’t — even if that was a world with no problems.

“You’re welcome” is rooted in northern European etymologies. Depending on who you trust, its roots are at least Germanic, but possibly also Scandinavian. The response conveyed an invitation to “come” — almost certainly “inside.” “Don’t thank me out there in the cold. Come inside where it’s warm.”

“No problem” and its literal variant, “It’s nothing,” come from a tradition rooted in warmer climates. “De nada” or “no mas” makes sense from a hammock where there are more mangoes hanging nearby than either of you can eat. “I may have helped you with that, but it’s not like either of us would have gone hungry if I hadn’t.”

Maybe this explains why “No problem” is multiplying before us. We’ve created a world where scarcity is rare or rarely acknowledged. Abundance is so much more desirable, even if you don’t like mangoes.

Could we compromise and revive “You’re welcome” for the colder, darker months? I don’t want to make a problem for those who insist there are no problems, but being invited inside is still appreciated, as it was by the Norse a millennium ago.

If global warming ever progresses to the point where it’s never cold outside, we’ll have larger problems than anything “No problem” can address. We should get this right while there’s still time.

I propose we take Black Friday back from the retailers and designate the day after Thanksgiving as “You’re Welcome Day.” Think of it as a cultural leftover that just needs to be warmed up to extend the week’s festivities. Or how about this? “You’re welcome” is a pleasure you can have with your mouth that fills your heart, not your stomach.

If you happen to feel the urge to thank me for pointing this out, you’re welcome.

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Don Kahle (fridays@dksez.com) writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and archives past columns at www.dksez.com.

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