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Vaccine locks your garage

April 15th, 2021 by dk

For several months, all Oregonians have faced three questions regarding the COVID-19 vaccine. Can I get it? Should I get it? Will I get it? Since the answer was “no” to the first question, many of us ignored the second two. That is about to change.

Beginning Monday, April 19, all Oregon adults will be able to schedule their vaccine shots. It’s time to answer the last two questions. Clinics, pharmacies, hospitals, and special sites have perfected the “Fauci ouchie” choreography. You can schedule an appointment quickly. The shot takes minutes. You’ll marvel at the efficiency.

Since we’re marveling, stand amazed at what scientists have accomplished.  They developed multiple vaccines in less than a year. As of Monday, 120.8 million Americans have received at least one dose. The number of fatalities related to vaccinations is stunning: one. (Six women have encountered blood clot complications from the Johnson & Johnson shot, out of 7 million J&J doses administered. J&J shots are currently unavailable until more is known.)

Being fully vaccinated doesn’t repel the virus. It could still get inside you, but it won’t multiply enough to make you sick. Masks will remain necessary until we reach herd immunity. That could take a while.

Some people are planning a wait-and-see approach, as if 120 million successful “test cases” hasn’t proven efficacy or safety. Some just don’t like the idea of being poked with anything sharp. Others fear there’s a conspiracy embedded in this campaign. (For what it’s worth, vaccinated friends report that it hasn’t improved their 5G reception and no payments from George Soros have arrived.)

You might think that you’re young, fit and hale — not the sort of person this coronavirus prefers killing. But that’s not a reason to skip the shot. It’s evidence that you need to better understand how the virus works. Maybe a simile will help.

This virus is like a souped up Tesla with dangerous and annoying capabilities. It has a universal remote can open any garage door, unless the garage door’s circuitry has been upgraded. The Tesla moves into unprotected garages for two purposes. It needs to hook into power to keep going. It also wants to use the stored tools to tinker with its own gadgetry. It also sometimes burns down the garage before driving away.

It’s the self-tinkering that should worry us most. All viruses mutate as they multiply inside a host body, but COVID-19 has demonstrated a knack for spawning variants that are more deadly. (Some see this pattern as evidence that it originated in a lab and not in an exotic meat market. Such concerns don’t alter the imperatives at hand.)

Could this Tesla upgrade its remote to regain access to locked garages? Only while inside an unprotected garage. That garage could be you, if you don’t get the shot. Getting vaccinated locks your garage. We must deny this Tesla space to recharge and soup itself up in dangerous new ways. If enough garages become inaccessible, it’ll eventually stall on the side of the road, stranded and harmless. That’s the goal.


Don Kahle ( writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and archives past columns at

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