This week marks Alaska’s 49th year as the nation’s 49th state. And so it is with much regret that we must say, “We’re going to have to let you go.” We don’t know what we were thinking in 1959. Maybe we though Canada was not long for this world. But clearly it hasn’t worked out. Hawaii too, if that’s any consolation. Turns out, have contiguous land makes everybody happier, not just the map-makers. Protecting borders is easier when it’s one dotted line. And making this move now cements the current president’s legacy of downsizing and making difficult choices. We have a plan in place to pare the flag down to 40 stars. We’ll insist that New England be a single state. They’ll keep the New Hampshire primary, and the New England Patriots, so it won’t be a hard sell. We’re asking the Dakotas and the Carolinas to bury the hatchet. And we’re working on a land swap with Mexico where they get New Mexico and we get Baja California. That’s assuming we can’t find a legal way to undo the Louisiana Purchase without losing Texas.