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Quips, queries, and querulous quibbles from the quirky mind of Don Kahle

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January 30th, 2015 by dk

Fifth Friday Footnotes, Follow-ups and Far-Flung Fripperies:

    • Now that EPUD General Manager Scott Coe has his job back, I have just one question. Does he get to keep the iPad?
    • EPUD is making available to the public all those hours of tape-recorded conversations. Here’s what will happen. After a quick hit of embarrassment, everyone will stop caring. Leaders at University of Oregon, 4J School District, and UO Board of Trustees: please take note.
    • Companies who want more lateral thinking should give their workers more latitude to solve problems.
    • The first College Football Playoff went like this. Florida State lost badly to Oregon, and Ohio State barely beat Alabama. Did anyone decry college football’s excessive vowelance? No.
    • Sometimes I mix my half-and-half with 2%, just to keep my math skills sharp.
    • Would you rather loll or LOL?
    • Once you put the “dance” in “avoidance,” you never forget the steps.
    • Which tells you more about a person — their bookshelf or refrigerator?
    • “Instant classic” is oxy- (if not outright) moronic.
    • For how many months or years after an automated phone tree’s “menu options have changed” must we “please listen closely”?
    • Now that we run words together to make hashtags and URLs, I have new respect for consonants.
    • Put. A. Period. Between. Every. Word. People like that.
    • We need a winter afternoon savory drink — for afternoon meetings when it’s too late for caffeine and too early for alcohol. Summer fruit smoothies are good, but this time of year, only hot cider is on the menu. Townshend’s Eugene Teahouse offers miso, but I want it in a mug. I’m thinking chicken broth with a swirl of gravy — comfort and warmth for a winter afternoon. (You’re welcome.)
    • Over-reliance on autocorrect should be considered a capital offense.
    • Some days I feel accomplished simply by using up pantry items before they’ve reached their expiration date.
    • I’m unclear on the concept of binge-watching. Does it prove that even Americans with no money can overindulge?
    • Resolving is really just solving a second time — as if the first answer wasn’t right enough.
    • You’re not a millionaire, but you might feel better if you considered yourself a thousandaire.
    • A wonk knows a topic backwards and forward, right? So it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that “wonk” is “know” spelled backwards.
    • Collecting autographs is silly.
    • Addictions and young love share the romance of helplessness.
    • Don’t resolve to lose weight. Instead, refuse to buy bigger pants. Refusing is usually stronger than resolving.
    • Thinking outside the box is like seeing through the emperor’s new clothes. The error of groupthink often begins with a misplaced preposition.
    • Disobey your fear.
    • Language is most powerful when mixed with reflection. Speech doesn’t easily allow for it; instant messaging even less so. I hope letter writing never disappears entirely.
    • Twenty-four is sometimes too many hours for a day.
    • Is life too short to drink 2% milk? Or does it become too short if you don’t? (I want to feel whole inside.)
    • It’s getting harder to tell who might be feeling lonely. In the past you could watch their front door and have a pretty good idea.
    • How did open-toed footwear become favored by civil libertarians? Free the toes, then the people!
    • Curiosity and humility share a root stock — namely, a recognition of self-deficiency.
    • Are dog sweaters multiplying? If so, can anything be done?
    • “Galore” is a word worth saving.
    • Law and order are the same as peace and quiet, but writ large.
    • Sometimes I want my socks floppy. Other times I don’t.
    • I’ll bet Steve Jobs’ bathroom had velour towels. He’d rather an object be beautiful all the time, even if that beauty makes it slightly less useful. (In other words, I miss my flip phone.)
    • After losing to terror, drugs and poverty, can we admit that metaphorical wars are never winnable?
    • You cannot make normal. You only can be normal.
    • Certain questions must be asked and answered in order. “Will it taste good?” doesn’t get asked until “Will I taste good?” has been answered.
    • I think I know why there are no parades celebrating National Marble Day.


Don Kahle ( writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and blogs

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8 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Robert A Rikhoff Jan 30, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Robert A Rikhoff liked this on Facebook.

  • 2 Cliff Coles Jan 30, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Cliff Coles liked this on Facebook.

  • 3 Darnell Rudd Mandelblatt Jan 30, 2015 at 11:59 am

    I laughed twice and smiled half-a-dozen times. pretty good for one three-minute stretch! Thanks! DK!

  • 4 Don Kahle Jan 30, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    Which ones made you laugh, Darnell Rudd Mandelblatt? (Maybe I should start a survey.)

  • 5 Darnell Rudd Mandelblatt Jan 30, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    I laughed at “half and half with 2%,” and at “open-toes footwear for civil libertarians.”

  • 6 Doc Crawford Jan 30, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Doc Crawford liked this on Facebook.

  • 7 Darnell Rudd Mandelblatt Jan 30, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Darnell Rudd Mandelblatt liked this on Facebook.

  • 8 Jason Little Feb 2, 2015 at 7:05 am

    The ” . . . misplaced preposition” earned a laugh! There are entire sects of Christianity that were founded on the premise that the other sects translated from Greek to English improperly and left out “a” preposition.