dkSez : : : : : : Don Kahle's blog

Quips, queries, and querulous quibbles from the quirky mind of Don Kahle

dkSez : : : : : : Don Kahle's blog random header image

Holiday FUFFery

November 27th, 2019 by dk

Fifth Friday footnotes, follow-ups and far-flung fripperies:

  • Combat the commercialization of this season by throwing a holiday party right away that doesn’t include commercialization. If enough of us do it, the shopping aspect will lose its dominance.
  • Here’s a conversation starter as you gather around leftovers this weekend: What’s one thing you’ve never regretted paying extra for?
  • Thanksgiving is uniquely American, but the whole world knows and observes Black Friday. Hmm.
  • The diameter of toilet paper’s cardboard insert varies by country.
  • Notice how often liberal columnists begin a paragraph (usually about two-thirds in) with “to be fair” or “in fairness,” followed by exceptions to their point or other nuances. Now notice that conservative columnists almost never do that.
  • Remember pagers?
  • Is it too late for Eugene to buy back jurisdiction over Glenwood? Former Mayor Sid Leiken always called that deal Springfield’s Louisiana Purchase, but it’s looking more and more like an earlier land deal — trading $23 worth of beads for Manhattan.
  • Flat screens have changed our world. Imagine if every screen you see today still required a heavy and possibly toxic canister behind it.
  • The human body is defenseless against liquids, excepting the one that mostly constitutes it. (Water)
  • Could LTD’s downtown EmGo shuttle be linked with Park & Ride lots for those who commute downtown daily?
  • Not counting homelessness as a cause of death makes no sense. It’s like saying a person died from a fall, when their parachute failed. Stepping out the door with nothing in your bag is not considered dangerous, unless you’re skydiving.
  • Human progress stopped when cooks began requiring multiple pots and pans.
  • Will urbanites lose the competitive advantage that comes from seeing and meeting strangers? Everyone now is constantly on their phone, ignoring those around them.
  • Don’t leave well enough alone.
  • How much quid could a quid pro quo if a quid quo did go pro?
  • When you know what you know backwards and forward, you wonk what you know and you know what you wonk.
  • Our generation gave the world “leading zeroes.” So there’s that.
  • Then and now occasionally have nothing to do with each other, but only now and then.
  • I thought people were addicted to certainty, but now I believe it’s determinism that traps people in their comfort. If nothing could be different, then everything must be OK.
  • Helplessness is the closest feeling to freedom that some people ever get. Falling and flying are separated only by volition — and eventually, how it ends.
  • I predict that the clatter of suitcase wheels on tile or brick will soon be considered rude, requiring everyone to upgrade their suitcases to new ones with softer and quieter wheels.
  • Bystanding is my only shot at innocence.
  • Don’t apologize for my inconvenience. Apologize for the actions, policies or incompetencies that caused my inconvenience. Thank you.
  • In fairness, those apologizing are almost never responsible themselves for the inconvenience.
  • When did you last set out a home meal that required all three table utensils? Holiday meals, salad forks and soup spoons don’t count.
  • Hoarding in the face of scarcity is hateful.
  • Did you know that Rep. Peter DeFazio lives on a boat he bought decades ago when he first came to Washington? That’s so Peter.
  • I prefer the pronoun “they,” not because I have gender fluidity. I just like thinking of myself as more than one person.
  • Some who want to save the world need to remind us why it’s worth saving.
  • I have inhabited the margins for all of my adult life, but I’ve never been marginalized. It has always been my choice.
  • It’s time to take corporate responsibility seriously. Impound assets and limit freedom of movement, just the way the courts do for any other “person” who is caught willfully harming others.
  • Escalators in Europe slow to a crawl when there’s nobody on them. It conserves power.
  • Americans fear quicksand, but others don’t. Only Americans are trapped where more exertion makes things worse. If a soft spot in the ground slows our pace, there’s no problem.
  • Why doesn’t every coat, sweater, and jacket have a hook loop inside its collar? Payola from the coat hanger cartel, I suspect.
  • If you’ve never licked a butter knife (because you were warned against it before it had occurred to you), I recommend trying it, at least once.

Don Kahle ( writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and blogs at

Tags: No Comments

Leave A Comment

Are you human? *

0 responses so far ↓

  • There are no comments yet...Kick things off by filling out the form below.