Fripperies Galore!

Fifth Friday Footnotes, Follow-ups and Far-Flung Fripperies:

  • Donald Trump to blizzard-stricken east coast: “Make winter great again!”
  • Even if you never make the same mistake twice, you still won’t run out. There’s an ample supply of new mistakes just waiting to be made.
  • I relive Christmas glee every time I cut open a perfectly ripe avocado. “Oh, yes!” I squeal inside, “Just what I wanted!”
  • Best bumper sticker, spotted on Willamette Street: “Life is like a corndog. I don’t know why. It just is.”
  • How can I be having second thoughts when I don’t recall what the first thought was?
  • Every time I’m choosing between fork and spoon, the fork seems more mature and less practical.
  • Most who drink the Kool-Aid don’t know what they’re really thirsting for.
  • Panic and euphoria: they look the same or they are the same?
  • How did ribs manage to so completely corner the edible slab market? If you want a slab, you’d better like ribs — because concrete is your only other choice.
  • Stephen Colbert’s first episode of “The Late Show” took 151 days of planning. Trevor Noah had 182 days to prepare hosting “The Daily Show.” Once we select a president in November, the first day on the job will be 77 days later. Discuss.
  • If we meet for lunch in Holland, I will gladly go Dutch on the bill. Otherwise, no.
  • You travel too much if your mail is forwarded to Seat 26D.
  • Life: it goes and it goes, seldom in the same direction for two moments in a row.
  • We should have seen trouble coming when they made a verb out of “money.” Whatever we monetize loses some of its value.
  • Never mind your IQ. What’s our WeQ? How well do we share what we know with others?
  • Some university should just post “trigger warnings” on their admission applications and be done with it.
  • I stopped in a store that offers alterations. Their rates were cheaper than my therapist’s. But then I found a more frugal option. The change machine even came with a money-back guarantee.
  • Did you know that full-size beds are over? I shopped for sheets during back-to-school sales and it was hard to find anything smaller than queen-size sheets. I’m sure that means something, but I’m not sure what.
  • When I see a sign that reads “Absolutely No Admittance,” I wonder who put a door there in the first place. But nobody seems to know — there’s been no admittance.
  • Galore is a word that deserves a comeback.
  • Falling and love are intertwined, but what if they’re inseparable? “Reckless” may be the part we can’t do without.
  • Our government has been more willing to regulate lawn darts than handguns. After a few dozen children were impaled at picnics, the United States and several other countries pulled them from retail shelves. Don’t you feel safer, just knowing that?
  • How many brand new voters will Donald Trump attract to the polls this spring? We may soon learn why the silent majority preferred keeping its collective mouth shut.
  • Abraham Lincoln was the first to raise the minimum wage for millions of Americans. He raised it from nothing to something.
  • Nobody asked me, but I think we doze too little and dose too much.
  • A good reporter should be thought of as a professional curiositer — answering questions we may have been wondering.
  • I never noticed until now that Halloween and the 4th of July share the same day of the week each year. Valentine’s Day joins them, except in leap years.
  • People generally are over-polite and under-aware.
  • Whatever happened to hubcaps?
  • If church services were reviewed on Yelp, I’d want to know if there’s a “passing of the peace” and how long it lasts.
  • What would it cost to begin color-coding our street pavement — blue for fast, red for slow?
  • Is there a line between generosity and waste? Yes, there is — except we can’t see it when we’re making our choices.
  • Complaining gives too much credit to circumstance and too little power to character.
  • Lives are like shrifts. They come in only one size: short.

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Don Kahle (fridays@dksez.com) writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and blogs at www.dksez.com.