Fripperies Galore

Fifth Friday footnotes, follow-ups and far-flung fripperies:

  • My memory’s not as good as I remember it being.
  • “Live and Learn” is the perfect name for St. Vincent dePaul’s latest project.
  • Tell me again. Is chicken-fried steak chicken or steak?
  • I heard the eclipse warning so many times that now I’m afraid to look up and stare directly at anything.
  • How is “standoffish” even a word? It’s just so threeseparatewordish — which, bytheway, is not a word.
  • You can walk on egg shells for only so long. Eventually, you run out of eggs.
  • Don’t tell me something will be handled “as soon as possible” if I have no way of discerning what’s possible.
  • It took me weeks to screen Al Gore’s new movie. All its showtimes were inconvenient.
  • In retrospect, we should have become suspicious when we all suddenly needed an appliance called a “food processor.” They could have called the machine a semicolon, but few would have gotten the joke.
  • I waste more money on avocados than on lottery tickets. (But this time, my luck will be different…!)
  • Maybe it’s just me, but “ash” strikes me as a pessimistic name for a tree varietal.
  • I hope whoever coined the term “legacy system” to denote “outdated” got paid well for their work.
  • Why are green peppers always less expensive than their other-colored cousins?
  • Enlightened self-interest has a heritage in our government, but not self-interest alone. Why would the purely selfish do the hard work required for governance?
  • We often know more about a controversy than we do about the issue that caused the controversy in the first place. Being informed is harder than being inflamed.
  • My soaker hose leaks.
  • Awards are for those who dislike their work. If you need a Lifetime Achievement Award to make your lifetime worth it, you’re doing it wrong.
  • The impossible is often more achievable than the difficult. Some assumptions are challenged better by trying than thinking.
  • Just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it makes sense. We’re often forced to choose between rhyme and reason.
  • It’s a great improvement that Eugene’s parking garages are now painted a different color on each floor. Now, if they could add those colors beside the floor numbers in the elevator.
  • Dogs learned to bark and cats learned to purr. Which has served its species better — aggression or seduction?
  • Success bores me before it traps me. I’m lucky that way.
  • Do funeral processions ever happen nowadays? (Do people still use the word nowadays?)
  • Costco’s cheese pizza has more calories than its meat pizza. That was a revelation to me. Cheese pizza can have fewer — but not necessarily less — toppings.
  • If only endings were as easy as they are important.
  • Weeding is very like prayer, translating immediate attention into sustained care.
  • Dr. Patch Adams says depression is a symptom of loneliness. I think he’s right.
  • Ignorance is less dangerous than certainty.
  • Better to tend than fend.
  • Referring to supremacists as “fringe” and extremists perversely empowers our dominant culture of selective bigotry.
  • Sometimes people applaud because they’re happy the show is over.
  • The bully pulpit was easier to respect when there wasn’t a bully behind it.

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Don Kahle (fridays@dksez.com) writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and blogs at www.dksez.com.