Final Fifth Friday Fripperies

It’s not only the fifth Friday of December. It’s also the fifth — and final — fifth Friday of 2010. So add another “F” or two in front of this year’s Fifth and Final Fifth Friday Footnotes, Follow-Ups and Far-Flung Fripperies.
• I’m a little nervous to say so just yet, but I haven’t written the wrong year on even one check this year. It helps that I wrote far fewer checks, but still. A win is a win.
• Speaking of winners, there will indeed be a parade to celebrate all the champions who call Eugene home. It starts with the football team, but promises to (ah hem) fan out from there. Details to come.
• They had a parade planned in Tuscaloosa, Alabama last January to celebrate the University of Alabama’s national championship, but it was canceled because of “chilly conditions and threat of rain.” Weather wimps! Our Champions Parade must happen, rain or shine, win or lose.
• Congratulations to Eugene Mayor Kitty Piercy, who not only was named “Most Valuable Local Official” by The Nation magazine, but garnered that recognition without buying a single billboard in Times Square.
• There’s no pleasure quite equivalent to a smooth-gliding pen on paper.
• Most brims needn’t be filled to.
• If table salt is such a health hazard, why don’t they dye it some fluorescent color so we can see it on our food? Candlelight dining isn’t heart-healthy for this reason alone.
• Exactly how early must one arrive at Midtown Cafe to snag that table in front of the fireplace? The seats around the fire at Mazzi’s are prized too, but those tables turn over every hour or so. I’m sure there are others.
• Have you noticed the painted emblem for bicyclist on Eugene’s streets is now helmeted? Springfield’s emblem is still risking a flat painted head injury.
• Phil Knight was asked whether the Ducks’ rise has surprised him. Part of his answer — “We’re exactly on plan” — makes me wonder if the marketing expertise of Nike might someday be measured as a more valuable contribution to the University of Oregon than all the cash donations from its co-founder.
• I’d like to know who determined that the two-handed “O” would be the distinct gesture for ebullient fans or marginal hooligans (take your pick). And why can’t they make it not look like a triangle?
• Pointier the shoes, scarier the person.
• Lather and rinse are good instructions, but “repeat” always has been optional.
• Walk on the opposite side of the street occasionally. You’ll be amazed how different familiar sights look.
• William Pfaff’s sentences are just too darn long.
• Those who wear sunglasses all winter make me wonder.
• The restrooms are being upgraded at The Bijou. Cafe Yumm! now offers optional meat on their rice bowls. Some of downtown has gotten some free parking. Will people returning to Eugene recognize it?
• Shuffleboard is due for a comeback.
• It must goad somebody every day when they look above the entrance to the Musofsky Center that the big “O” is not the right “O.”
• It says something about you but I don’t know what: if your trunk is always tidy.
• How did American expansionism regress from Manifest Destiny to all-you-can-eat dinner buffets?
• Round numbers don’t make us nervous, but they should. Round today, arbitrary tomorrow.
• A house should protect you from the weather without protecting you from an awareness of the weather.
• Door knobs are losing market share.
• Sure, the football success feels great. But we’re still Track Town U.S.A. Proof: collegiate track and field now has its version of the Heisman Trophy, called The Bowerman. Before he was a trophy, (John) Heisman was a football coach at Auburn University, among other schools. Bill Bowerman, of course, coached track here at the University of Oregon before getting bronzed. (And he hated trophies, so it’s just “The Bowerman.”)
• How many car accidents are caused by drivers reaching to attach their seat belts after their car is in motion?
• I never would have guessed that handles on grocery bags would matter to me, but I find now that they do.
• I miss First Night.
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Don Kahle (fridays@dksez.com) writes a weekly column for The Register-Guard and blogs. He was one of the original organizers of First Night, a family-friendly downtown New Year’s Eve celebration.