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Questions that don’t occur until it hits 110:

• Am I feeling this heat from above or below?
• Is there anything I need in the grocery store’s freezer aisle?
• Is this what towns without snowplows feel when a blizzard strikes?
• Do sunglasses only make the world look cooler? And why exactly does that help?
• When a temperature sign reads 99, is that only because it lacks a third digit?
• Regarding air conditioning, what is conditioning whom?
• At what point does a breeze only make it feel like the heat is chasing us?
• How fortunate is it that Hayward Field wasn’t the site of any weather-related tragedies?
• Who do I know in Arizona or Texas who can give me some advice?
• Is this sweat on my forehead or condensation?
• If this is our “June gloom,” what will the dog days of August be like?
• Could they bring back double features just for this occasion?
• Am I sure there’s nothing more that I need in the freezer aisle?
• Shouldn’t neighborhoods practicing disaster preparedness be using their “OK” signs?
• Is tipping your mail carrier allowed?
• Can we add wind turbines to the Coast Range peaks, just to move their air inland?
• What’s a good recipe using mostly chocolate and ice?
• You know we’re past the halfway mark to literally boiling, right?
• Why didn’t somebody invent dedicated solar-powered air conditioners before we all got electric ones?
• Did you notice there are no costumed sign-twirlers on the sidewalks today?
• If we adopted a siesta strategy, would we be able to give it up in winter?
• What’s a good wintry movie to watch tonight?
• How lucky are we to have the Bonneville Power Administration backing up our local power providers?
• Do people elsewhere get used to thinking of the sun as an adversary?
• Has Eugene now qualified for a Burning Man franchise?
• Are fragrances the least appreciated pleasures carried to us by moisture?
• When we learn new terms for weather anomalies like “heat dome” or “polar vortex,” does that mute the alarm of climate change’s general havoc?
• After scoring 100 points, did basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain think, “I could have gotten 110”?
• Is it true people are backing out of their commitments, just to get cold feet?
• Are people quitting their addictions because “cold turkey” suddenly sounds good?
• Can we develop a summertime version of the Thomas Egan Warming Centers before we face the fatality who becomes its namesake?
• When did we last describe any local weather condition as “punishing”?
• Does being 110 feel this bad?
• If summer is starting early this year, are we in danger of it also ending late?
• Exactly how much heat can the smallest parts of our infrastructure withstand? What’s the equivalent of the Space Shuttle’s brittle o-rings, waiting to break the systems we rely on for health and safety?
• Can I move my bed closer to the ice cube maker?
• How do weeds keep growing when nothing else does?
• If I set my oven on “low,” can it double as an air conditioner?
• If I give you a cold shoulder, will you give me a cold shoulder?
• If I cut myself, would my blood feel cool to the touch?
• Is there just one thing in the frozen foods section that I’ve never thought to try before?
• Can we at least arrange a Zoom session with a rainstorm?

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Don Kahle (fridays@dksez.com) writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and archives past columns at www.dksez.com.

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