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Burning Questions When it Hits 110

July 4th, 2021 by dk

Questions that don’t occur until it hits 110:

  • Am I feeling this heat from above or below?
  • Is there anything I need in the grocery store’s freezer aisle?
  • Is this what towns without snowplows feel when a blizzard strikes?
  • Do sunglasses only make the world look cooler? And why exactly does that help?
  • When a temperature sign reads 99, is that only because it lacks a third digit?
  • Regarding air conditioning, what is conditioning whom?
  • At what point does a breeze only make it feel like the heat is chasing us?
  • How fortunate is it that Hayward Field wasn’t the site of any weather-related tragedies?
  • Who do I know in Arizona or Texas who can give me some advice?
  • Is this sweat on my forehead or condensation?
  • If this is our “June gloom,” what will the dog days of August be like?
  • Could they bring back double features just for this occasion?
  • Am I sure there’s nothing more that I need in the freezer aisle?
  • Shouldn’t neighborhoods practicing disaster preparedness be using their “OK” signs?
  • Is tipping your mail carrier allowed?
  • Can we add wind turbines to the Coast Range peaks, just to move their air inland?
  • What’s a good recipe using mostly chocolate and ice?
  • You know we’re past the halfway mark to literally boiling, right?
  • Why didn’t somebody invent dedicated solar-powered air conditioners before we all got electric ones?
  • Did you notice there are no costumed sign-twirlers on the sidewalks today?
  • If we adopted a siesta strategy, would we be able to give it up in winter?
  • What’s a good wintry movie to watch tonight?
  • How lucky are we to have the Bonneville Power Administration backing up our local power providers?
  • Do people elsewhere get used to thinking of the sun as an adversary?
  • Has Eugene now qualified for a Burning Man franchise?
  • Are fragrances the least appreciated pleasures carried to us by moisture?
  • When we learn new terms for weather anomalies like “heat dome” or “polar vortex,” does that mute the alarm of climate change’s general havoc?
  • After scoring 100 points, did basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain think, “I could have gotten 110”?
  • Is it true people are backing out of their commitments, just to get cold feet?
  • Are people quitting their addictions because “cold turkey” suddenly sounds good?
  • Can we develop a summertime version of the Thomas Egan Warming Centers before we face the fatality who becomes its namesake?
  • When did we last describe any local weather condition as “punishing”?
  • Does being 110 feel this bad?
  • If summer is starting early this year, are we in danger of it also ending late?
  • Exactly how much heat can the smallest parts of our infrastructure withstand? What’s the equivalent of the Space Shuttle’s brittle o-rings, waiting to break the systems we rely on for health and safety?
  • Can I move my bed closer to the ice cube maker?
  • How do weeds keep growing when nothing else does?
  • If I set my oven on “low,” can it double as an air conditioner?
  • If I give you a cold shoulder, will you give me a cold shoulder?
  • If I cut myself, would my blood feel cool to the touch?
  • Is there just one thing in the frozen foods section that I’ve never thought to try before?
  • Can we at least arrange a Zoom session with a rainstorm?


Don Kahle ( writes a column each Friday for The Register-Guard and archives past columns at

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