I had an extraordinary opportunity this weekend to revisit some teenage trauma, retelling the taboo stories that have defined me more by their secrecy than anything. To be offered a safe place to break up some of that “dark matter” that our emotional universe is made of — it’s a gift beyond all measure.
I learned one thing then and another since that I think apply to your secrets as well, whatever they may be.
What our acquaintences see as our strengths are most often rooted in those dark places we’d rather hide. We compensate and overcompensate, covering what we fear with a gloss and sheen that others will see — when what we’re really concerned with is what people WON’T see.
Since that afternoon walk through the hills near Hendricks Park, I’ve thought more about it. I’m more convinced than ever that subject and object blur at these depths. In my case, I wanted to be paid attention to (who doesn’t, right?) and so I learned to pay attention. Somehow that formed a safe answer to the dark questions I was asking.
I’ve often said it was just lucky for me the high school guidance counselor had all the career paths arranged alphabetically. “Journalist” came before “voyeur.” Both have lousy hours, but journalists get better benefits.
I’m a noticer who wanted to be noticed. What are you?
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